Time is Flying By

Okay, okay, I seem to get nostalgic around this time of year. Squeak has turned 9 years old. Someone tell me, how did that happen?

For the very few that have been paying attention and read my 5 years down memory lane  (http://pippaoostergetel.com/squeak/five-years-down-memory-lane/)post, you would know that those first years were a steep learning curve filled with some amazing times and tough lessons. Well, I didn’t expect to do a 9-year update, I figured I’d wait for the big 1-0, but let’s face it, a lot has happened in recent times.

I know, we’re all tired of talking about covid, so I’m going to skip that part for now and track back a bit further. When I wrote my last birthday post, I did not know yet that I was pregnant. There I was ranting about all the craziness that had happened in the past, and I had no idea the real craziness was about to begin.

Getting a cheeky 'Pregnancy Shot' during a Squeak Photoshoot

Motherhood … Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh … I thought starting and running your own business was hard, but approximately nine months after I wrote those words, I entered into what I have to be brutally honest to call ‘the hardest, most emotionally exhausting and physically painful’ time of my life. I’m sorry to my baby girl if she ever reads this, I love her more than anything in the world, but those first 4 months were horrendous. I have no idea how those new mums post all those lovely, happy photos on Instagram with their newborn. They’re wearing make-up in those photos. MAKE-UP! I barely had the time or desire to wash the regurgitated milk out of my hair, let alone put make-up on.

An undiagnosed lip and tongue tie had a lot to do with the rough start I had with Evie. Four lactation consultants couldn’t help my bleeding nips (sorry fellers if that makes you uncomfortable, but you know ... get over it). After two bouts of mastitis, the need to have my husband hold my hand while my baby latched on because the pain was so excruciating, and the fact that I had to pump on one boob after every feed as it was too damaged for her to drink from but she still needed the milk, I reached peak desperation mode. I took her to an osteopath, completely terrified that this woman would crack my baby’s back or hang her upside down by her toenails. But in the end, this osteo simply looked at my daughter while she slept in her capsule and stated with absolute confidence ‘Evie has a tongue-tie.’ Just one glance was enough. A specialist confirmed it and my baby got the snip. I’d love to say it was all roses and sunshine after that, but Evie and I had a few more issues, but all in all, things were looking up.

Tired smiles — Reality kicking in.

Once my girl was around 8 months old, the fog of survival-mode-motherhood had lifted, and I was able to feel a bit like myself again. I threw my husband into the deep end and left him with the baby while I went to exhibit at a trade show in New York. He wasn’t that happy about my being gone for eight days, and when I came back, he told me ‘never again’, but I think it was good for him. Evie was perfect by that stage, settled into a routine and sleeping through the night, so if he thought that was hard then he was oblivious to my blood, tears and sleep deprivation that got her to that point.

Running a business with a baby — What an angel, we got there in the end.

The New York trade show was the marker for me to get my life back and get Squeak moving again after putting it in 'sleep mode' to have Evie. It was exciting and also completely nerve-wracking. I wanted to start pushing my products to an overseas market … a massive overseas market, in a land filled with confidence and bravado—so the complete opposite of me, in other words. When I first arrived in the big apple, I got a coffee, crawled into my giant king-sized bed with its crisp, white, hotel sheets, and watched TV for a solid four hours before I contemplated even getting up to use the bathroom. I was exhausted. Not from jet-lag or the long flight, just bone-weary fatigue from having a tiny human to be responsible for. It was the first time I had been by myself since I’d had her, and the silence of that hotel room was a blessing. I missed her. I missed my husband. I missed my dog. But I needed that time alone. Some people might think that’s screwed up, enjoying time away from my family, but that’s how it was. I had learned that there’s no weekends or paid leave from being a mother, there’s no 9-5. I was wrecked, and those white sheets brought me back to life.

At Melbourne airport, nervous to leave my family — My coffee and white sheets — Rejuvenated and on my stand in New York

How’d the trade show go? Meh, it was okay. Could have gone better, but all in all it was a great experience, I’d do it again. In fact, I had planned to do it again, but there I was in the Javits Centre, trying to sell silk kimonos in February 2020, unaware that that very exhibition building would become a temporary hospital less than two months later. Covid had come.

The orders I did get from the trade show evaporated as the shops closed their doors, and the world became very scary, very quickly. I was extremely lucky. Squeak was already set up for a pandemic. I didn’t do it knowingly, no one can plan for these things, but my business was already online and selling direct to customers. Yes, the wholesale arm of my business died, but it was a tiny little T-rex of an arm anyway, I was always more of a retailer. And the markets also stopped, that did hurt, particularly come Christmas time. But all in all, my business continued to run, perhaps not what it was, but enough to stay afloat. Thank goodness and fingers crossed it stays that way.

Our family walks began to look different — My girl thinking masks are normal

Covid has given me a lot to be thankful for, my husband too. Now that he was working from home, he was lucky to see Evie take her first steps, say her first words and grow into the wonderfully cheeky devil she has become. So many experiences he would have missed while he was in the office or commuting to and from. As for myself, well my mother mentioned once that the hardest part of all the lockdowns was that she was bored. Mum is the biggest book fiend I know, and so I suggested to her that she have a go at writing instead of just reading. The moment the words escaped my lips a pang of jealousy hit me. I was jealous of something she hadn’t even done. Jealous of the idea that she could write, when it was something I had always wanted to do. Two weeks later and I was plotting out my fist book. I’m now two manuscripts down and half-way through my third. Am I any good? I don’t know. But I know I can’t stop. I know I don’t want to stop. This unending blog post is testimony enough that I love to write, and I am thankful that this horrible scar in our Earth’s history has brought it into my life.

Hello my other baby — Chris getting more time with his little girl — Countless hours of editing

As the lockdowns lifted (one of Melbourne’s many, at least), I began sharing an office space with some similar product business owners like myself, and to cut a long story short, it became very evident that we were all battle-worn. Covid, lockdowns, the fear, uncertainty and constant doggy-paddling to keep our head above water has tired us out. I know many businesses that have closed down, I know when those markets do finally start up again, a lot of my friends won’t be there setting up their stands. I want to get excited about 2022, but I’m not ready just yet. I mentioned four years ago about how the problem with small business is that the business is me and I am the business. Squeak doesn’t stop just because I’m personally going through something. It didn’t stop when I had a newborn to figure out. It didn’t stop because she had colic, or because I had an infection in my boobs. And thankfully it didn’t stop during the pandemic. But it also hasn't paused during the recent long, exhausting six months searching for a house during a housing boom. And it hasn’t paused during my miscarriage.

Squeak's new, temporary, digs — The only way to vent during a lockdown — Tired, frizzy and frazzled

I promise you; good things are coming for Squeak. I have new winter product on the way and it really is very exciting. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was tired.

I think it might be time for some crisp, white sheets again … and then I’ll be ready for 2022!